he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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