we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
