I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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