I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
