More tranny stories later!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
