you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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