There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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