i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
