Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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