she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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