Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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