I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize