Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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