I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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