We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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