Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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