Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
