after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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