3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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