i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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