just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize