last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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