I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
