I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
