Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
