My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
