what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
