Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
