It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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