So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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