I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
