just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize