Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
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