smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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