Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
