Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
