I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
