Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
