my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
