im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
