Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
