I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
