i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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