Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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