sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
