...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
