Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
