I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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