Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
