Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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