If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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