You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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