That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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