Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
