I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
