How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
