3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
