yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
