Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
