got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize