What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
