Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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