I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
