I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
