don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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