Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
