Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
