I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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