I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize