Can i not drive my cunt home
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
