That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
