i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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