I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
