i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
