So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize