Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
