My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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