Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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