Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
