Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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